Day 75: Too Lazy For Reading? Watch...

Day 75: Iv'e posted blog after blog after blog about our journey to quit dipping...Today is Day 75 and I bet there are a lot of you out there who laugh at the blogs, skip right over the blogs, or just plain disregard the blogs.  I bet many of you are smokers and dippers to...I also bet you believe "I'm young, this won't happen to me. I'll just quit soon and be fine."  Or you say, "my grandpa smoked for 61 years and when he died the doctor said it wasn't from smoking, just old age."  Sure, that might be true.  Does that mean you'll smoke or dip for 61 years with no harmful setbacks?  I guess you're willing to take that chance...I wasn't.  Anyway, here is a video for you to watch about a stud athlete who had his whole entire life in front of him...Notice I said he HAD his life in front of him...Nicotine CAN and WILL defeat you if you allow it and it WILL defeat you unless you defeat it first.

So, what do you think?  It saddens me, it makes me mad, it scares me and I have already quit nicotine!  Have you quit yet?  Seriously, be honest with YOURSELF.  What is your REAL excuse as to why you haven't quit nicotine yet?  Well, what is it?  I bet if you look in the mirror and repeat that excuse you'll feel like a total idiot.  Yes, this is called being REAL with YOURSELF.  It took me a LONG time to be real with myself.  I've had help from the people who are most important to me and I'll always be grateful to them.  I promise you'll have help to, all you have to do is ask and be SERIOUS about quitting.  If you're not serious about quitting  go ahead and ignore these blogs, light up that cancer stick, spit that juice and enjoy your day.

Day 72: Kids DO Notice And They DO Care!

Day 72:  People often asked me in the past, why did you quit?  How did you do it?  All that stuff.  I felt macho and gave them the "I did it cold turkey" comment, which is true.  It WAS true.  I also failed at TRULY quitting two times before this and I finally believe I know why.  It's because I had an "answer" for the how, but not the why.  Not an authentic answer anyway. For starters, not even the cold turkey answer was authentic.  Yes, I just stopped dipping one day, but I didn't do it myself and I didn't QUIT, I just stopped, like you do at a stop sign. My whole support group quit cold turkey with me, it wasn't just ME. I never realized how important my support group was until I failed....twice. Now I know HOW I (we) quit.  The question I need to answer is "Why?"  I'll tell you...

Perhaps some of you will see me as selfish for reason #1, but ANYONE who has successfully quit nicotine (or has done their research on the subject) will under that I quit first and foremost for MYSELF.  I had to. My support group is the best thing that ever happened to me, but they can't be there beside me 100% of the time.  There have been and always will be many times when I'm my own support group.  I'll be in a TON of convenience stores by myself in the future.  I'll be around people who smoke and dip.  No one can truly stop me from dipping except myself. 

The next reason is for my soon to be wife (VERRRRRRRY SOON) and two small children. I want to make something VERY clear.  Small children DO NOTICE when you smoke or chew.  Beckett, our five year old not only knows about chew, he knows it's terrible for you. let me repeat something, he's only five!  So, once again, YOUR CHILDREN WILL NOTICE!

I have the true privilege of being adored by our five year old.  I'm VERY lucky and I need to start understanding that better.  I need to be a better role model for him.  Anyway, he adores me and there is no better feeling in the world....Except for when he "adored" me dipping...I'll explain in a minute.  He adores me to the point where he doesn't want to take his shoes off at night unless I do.  He wants to wear red shorts to bed because he sees me in them.  I throw on a pair of sweats in the morning, he demands to wear sweat pants to school.  If I'm wearing shorts when he gets home, he wants to go right up and change in to shorts.  He LOVES DVD's the way I do, he's fallen in love with Notre Dame because of me, The Orioles to.  When he does something bad, he cries even more once he sees me because he thinks I'm disappointed in him.  Twenty minutes after he's done crying, he might start crying again and he runs directly to me and wants me to hold him so he knows it's ok.  ALL of those things make me a lucky person, a VERY lucky person.  This is where it gets serious...

before my first quit attempt last summer, I noticed Beckett started spitting every time we played outside, walked out side or went outside for any reason.  I was so ignorant, perhaps arrogant to the situation that at the time, I didn't realize it was 10000000% because I was always spitting! However, once I realized it was because of me, I just found ways to justify it to myself.  Well, I'll just hide my spit better or at least he doesn't realize the color of my spit, etc.  I was WRONG.  before I knew it, he was spitting after he'd take a bite of his Oreo's.  Why?  Exactly..."Because the spit looks like Brian's."  That opened my eyes!  Wow...It hurt to..What's worse?  Not much, but there is one thing.  How about quitting and still failing twice!  Not going to happen again, not ever. 

Don't worry, there is more.  Not only will your kids notice if you chew or smoke, it's on their mind more than you can possibly believe or know.  At least twice a week and for no good reason at all, Beckett will look directly at me and say "Do you promise that you'll never ever ever never ever do "Grizzy" again?"  He's VERY sincere and VERY concerned.  He knows what dip is and what it can do to you. Remember, he is only five years old.  Chances are your son or daughter knows that cigarette or dip is bad for you to.  Also, I'm willing to bet they think about it and wonder why you do it...

Let's face it, odds are if I were to have kept on dipping, Beckett would have picked up the habit, wait, not the habit, the ADDICTION one day to.   There would be more no worse feeling to me than to know Beckett had his first dip because he saw me doing it for all those years. Plus, down the road if he were to start chewing, I couldn't tell him how bad it is for him without being a hypocrite lol.

As for Auden, she just turned eight an absolutely knows it's bad.  She asks about my health all the time.  She also asks a VERY good question.  She's often asks "why do they take harmless leaves and make them into bad stuff?  Why would they do that to people?"  I wish we could get a Tobacco Industry Big Wig in person and allow Auden to ask them that.  Unless they lie to her, the simple yet accurate answer would be "money."

Also, Auden adores Stacy the same way Beckett adores me.  If Stacy started smoking, I bet Auden would emulate the smoking and it would open Auden's brain up to the idea that it's ok to smoke as well.  Kids SEE and kids LEARN from what they see!  I learned this the hard way...

As for both of them...Every single time we see an empty can on the ground, or a gross spit stain in a parking lot, or when we go in to a store and see it on sale, the kids ask and wonder many things.  Is Brian going to buy some today?  Is that his empty can?  Did he make that gross stain?

Almost daily, at least one of them references my old addiction in one way or another.  Most of the time they just randomly voice their concern for my health.  That truly makes me a lucky guy.  Very lucky...I'll say this one more time.  If you chew or smoke and have children in your life, they know what you're doing even if they don't voice their concern.  PLEASE think about it...

Day 70: Puppy Birthday!

Day 70:  Holy shit, it's day 70! I remember not too long ago when it was day 1...and day 1 again...I'm very thankful to have made it this far, yet the days of failure still remain in my head.  However, I keep those "memories" there for motivational purposes only. I believe I read a quote somewhere once that said "If you don't learn from mistakes, they are just mistakes."  I don't want my first two failures to be just mistakes.  I want them to be learning experiences and motivation.  If I were to start dipping again, well then I obviously wouldn't have learned anything!  So far, with help from my closest supporters, I'm learning!

The last two days have been designated for cleaning our entire house, from top to bottom, side to side, carpets, etc.  We hate doing it but it feels so damn good to be done! it also feels good to know I helped clean the entire house and didn't have dip in my mouth while doing it! Shampooing the carpets is my biggest job, along with scrubbing the bath tub.  Ok fine, yes, Stacy does a lot more than I do, but I do help I swear!  besides, I'm the carpet cleaning champion of the world!  By the way, I'm not sure if you realize this, but if you actually clean everything in your home, it takes hours and hours and hours! With two kids, it seems like we have 75 more things to clean over, under and around every time we clean.  Do you ever feel that way?

Someone has a birthday today...No, not me...Not Stacy, not the kids...Our puppy, Andy!  Today our crazy, fearless, floppy eared, loving, handsome, wild hot dog turns ONE! I remember when the little guy could fit in palm of our hands.  Sure, it's not like he's big or anything, but he has grown a lot over the past year!  His ego and guts have grown to.  He'll jump on, over and through anything.  He'll bark at anyone or anything no matter how big or small and he'll try his best to escape our yard at the drop of a hat.  However, he's such an awesome dog who loves us unconditionally and we love him the same. Happy Birthday Andy! I'll leave you with two photos of our birthday boy.  The first photo is him on the day we brought him home.  The second photo is him from just a few days ago, owning the joint.  It's how he rolls these days...

 

Day 68: DJANGO, Cookies, And Day 100.

Day 68:  Holy crap, only 32 days away from the big 100!  A lot of people have asked me what I'm going to do once I reach day 100...My answer?  Celebrate and then get ready for day 101!  Our journey won't end on day 100, it's just one of many life time goals to stay away from nicotine!  I now EXPECT to get make it to day 100, before I just hoped and wished I could be like all the people who quit for real.  I wasn't strong enough mentally,  psychologically or physically   Now I'm strong enough in all three phases and I will not give in, no matter how tough it gets. I have the greatest support group a guy could ask for in my family, I have support from guys all over the map who are going through the exact same thing I am from www.killthecan.org, and I have my brain and new found will power.  ALL of these are valuable.  On some days certain aspects are more important than the other, but over all, I am lucky to have them all and they are all equally important to my quit success.

over the weekend, Stacy and I tried two new typed of cookies.  One is made by Chips Ahoy called Reese's Peanut Butter Soft And Chewy.  The other cookie is made by Keebler and they are called Sweet Creme's.  Oh and they are "Special Edition."  I believe that translates to "These are temporary in case they suck."  And they do suck. They are hard and entirely too sweet! Yes, it is possible for a cookie to be too sweet.  It's like eating frosting times 75.  I'm sure a humming bird would like it but last time I checked I'm not a damn humming bird. Besides, I know something is too sweet when Stacy says so.  She LOVES sweets and would never say something is too sweet unless it was too sweet!  As for the Chips Ahoy, they are GOOD!  Me likey a lot. If I have to have one complaint, it's the size of each cookie. Each cookie is about the size of a 50 cent piece, maybe a little smaller.  They are two bites per cookie.  If you're 12 years or older, you could slam each cookie in one bite.  With all of that being said, they are good though.  Addicting to.  Go ahead, get some and try to eat just one and put them away.  If you can do it, I hate you.  If you can't, well I told you so.

A few quick lines about the movie DJANGO.  It's as good, if not better than advertised! It W\was funny, smart, violent, well written, hip, old school, controversial, sad, full of great actors, fun, and much more!  It's probably the best film I have seen in the last year.  Leonardo DiCaprio was absolutely brilliant playing a complete scum bag.  Jamie Fox was also brilliant in his part as DANJGO.  However, although it's tough to imagine someone out shining those two in a movie, Christopher Waltz was outstanding!  Every line he delivered was perfect, his body language was perfect and his character was perfect.  Oh and I almost forgot to mention, Samuel Jackson was AWESOME to!  See this film!

Day 66: Baseball Dippers And A Weigh-In

Day 66: I'm 66 days into my journey and I'm still learning, being amazed, noticing things, and feeling grateful. A few weeks ago I was watching a Baltimore Orioles and Minnesota Twins game.  For one inning, I decided to look for as many guys as I could with dips in and keep track.  I found 12 (TWELVE!!) guys who had OBVIOUS dips in their just by watching one inning!  I guarantee you I missed some as well!  When I was chewing, I never noticed it.  Why?  Perhaps I was just blocking it out or perhaps I was in denial.  Maybe I just thought it was normal?  I spent my whole life around baseball so I justified my addiction.  What I'm saying is, I'm sure I used it as one of my many excuses as to why it was ok for me to chew.  Now that I look back on it, it was just as bad/dumb as all my other excuses. I've been keeping score to.  Bad excuses 107-Good excuses 0.

Speaking of excuses, today was another weigh in for me.  My last weigh in was over a week ago and I weighed in at 186.2.  Today, I weighed in at 185.2.  From last week I have lost one pound and I have lost almost four pounds over all.  As always, what's my point?  The "I'll gain too much weight" excuse is a bunch of crap!  Find another bad excuse!

 

I did my second ever movie review on a friends website called www.scaretissue.com. I did the review on the movie "The Collection."  It was great!  If you dare, go check out the site and my review at www.scaretissue.com. It's a fun website run by true horror movie fans for horror movie fans!

Guess what I did for the first time this year today?  Mowed the grass!  It was GREAT!  it felt like spring and smelled like summer while mowing the grass.  You know what made it even better?  I mowed the grass without dipping!  Hell, I didn't even think about dipping while doing it, either!  I know You're probably getting sick of me "bragging," but damn it felt good!  It still does feel good and it'll always feel good when I'm not dipping!  If you were a smoker and or dipper and you have quit, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about!  Cheers to you all!

Sorry this one is so short folks.  I guess It's a good thing as long as my journey is still alive, right?  Good night all...

Day 65: One Sentence From A 5 Year Old That Changed My Life.

Day 64: Today is the second day in a row that I haven't had any cravings.  My head feels weird at times and thee are even times when I feel like I'm back at week one, but over all I'm feeling pretty good.  MOST of the time I'm feeling great. There are other times when I'm feeling "foggy" or like my head is very heavy.  With all of that being said, I am VERY thankful to be on day 64 and going strong. Stacy probably feels like it's day 8,791 lol.  On a serious note, thank you again Stacy.  I wouldn't be at day 64 without you.

Now on to something rather interesting, at least to me.  If you enjoy coffee you might find this interesting as well. We have a Keurig Machine here at the house.  Everyone knows what that is.  You put the "K-Cup" in the machine, and it brews one individual cup for you.  Well, Stacy and I tried something out.  We bought a bag of Dunkin Donuts coffee and one of those cups that you can put ground coffee into that is specifically made for the Keurig Machine (see photo below).  We wanted to see if it was worth the investment, or if it'd cost us more money in the end.  We found out that it was worth every penny of the investment.  Let me explain.  At our Walmart you can buy an average box (18 count) of "Donut Shop" K-Cups for $10.98.  When I bought the regular sized (12 ounces) DD ground coffee, I found out I could get 26 cups of coffee out it OVER the 18 you get the K-Cups.  The DD ground coffee is less than $8.00, maybe even $7.00 at our Walmart.  On top of that, when you make a cup of ground coffee in the Keurig, it calls for two spoon fulls of coffee.  To make my coffee stronger, I used at least three spoon fulls and STILL got 8 more cups of coffee out of the ground coffee than I did the actual cups. The cup we had to buy did cost $17.88 ( I think) but the investment will pay for itself over and over again if you continue to use the ground coffee.  Perhaps I'm biased but I really like the Dunkin Donuts ground coffee so it all works out for me. If you prefer the individual cups, maybe it's not a great investment for you. 

Now to leave you on a serious, but important note.  I received some of the best advice ever today...from a 5 year old.  Beckett said to me "If you woulda kept doing "Grizzy" (my old chew was called "Grizzly") you would have been buried "  he said it and meant it so damn sincerely that Stacy and I almost cried.  Now that's motivation!

Day 63: Are You Still A Slave To Nicotine?

Day 63: Cravings, cravings, cravings...The good news is I don't have any cravings today.  The bad news?  I've had cravings several times a day, every day for the last four or five days.  With all of that being said, I'm finding out through research that cravings, even 60 days out are completely common.  In fact, cravings several years later are common.  The difference between cravings from week one and week 50?  A few things actually.  For starters, intensity.  Yes, I've had some intense cravings recently, and I'm sure I'll have some more, but every single craving during the beginning stages is intense.  It's one of the biggest reasons why people fail to quit nicotine.  The first few weeks are HELL, especially weeks one and two.  The second difference is my experience and learned ability to fight off cravings.  In the beginning I'd just feel as though I was being tortured.  Now, I expect it, I'm prepared for it, dare I say I embrace cravings? Ok, I won't go that far, but I will say I'm more confident than ever with my "craving busting" abilities.  One major reason is because of Stacy.  She didn't budge when I was terrible at dealing with the cravings.  If it was possible in any way, I'd tell you she fought off many of my early cravings for me.  That's how important she's been to me during this.  I could NOT, and I stress COULD NOT have gotten to day 63 without Stacy.  I'm still not perfect, but with her help, I continue to get better and better at kicking the cravings to the side and going about my day. Oh, by the way, did I mention that nicotine is a VERY strong power and 99.9% of people have no idea what they are getting into when they take that first pinch or puff?  I know I didn't...That's where the tobacco industry has been the most successful.  Their success hasn't been all the money, it's HOW they made the billions and continue to make billions.  They do it by keeping ignorant about how STRONG nicotine really is once it reaches your body.  Yes, they are forced to say "It's bad, yucky."  But they should be forced to say "If you take a pinch of this or a puff of that, WE WILL OWN YOU."

Now onto something important: Food!  We had home made bourbon chicken tonight!  Stacy WILL be putting up the recipe in this blog in the VERY near future!  I can assure you, if you like Chinese take out bourbon chicken, you'll like this!  Hell, you'll love this!  It's so tender with a perfect balance of sweetness and a tiny bit of heat.  Actually, ours has no heat because Stacy isn't a fan of spicy/hot foods lol.  However, that just goes to show you how good it is, we leave out the "hot" part of the recipe (red pepper flakes) and it's still AWESOME! Also, according to Stacy, it's just as good, if not better the next day!  For all the idiots out there, please refrigerate it if you plan on having some the next day.

I don't do this very often, actually, I don't believe I have ever done this, but I truly believe my "Day 61" blog was the most honest and important blog I have written to date.  If you haven't already, PLEASE go back and read that blog.  You may not like it, but you'll have no choice but to agree with it.  Believe me, I did NOT wan't to believe it for many years and I blocked out the "facts" on many occasions! Even if you don't smoke or dip, I'm 10000000000000% sure you know someone who does.  I'm not one of those guys who is trying to shove something down your throat (no pun intended), but I sure do wish someone did this to me many years ago...I truly believe if more smokers/chewers (ME INCLUDED) have the truth directly in front of them, they could no longer blame anyone but themselves for their addiction.  Remember, excuses run open, wild and free when it comes to nicotine addiction.  I know this, I had an excuse for every situation when it came to chewing!

Alight folks, it's time to go watch a movie (looks kinda terrible lol) called "State Of Emergency."  Yes, another zombie movie that looks like it took about $500.00 to make! Good night...

Day 61: THE TRUTH: Current Smokers/Dippers Read/View With Caution!

Day 61: I'm not sure if you remember me saying this before, but I have mentioned on several occasions that often times, people who quit smoking and or chewing have dreams about it.  Yes, actual dreams that revolve around nicotine.  Well, last night was one of those nights. It's sad that nicotine is so strong, it actually causes people to dream about it!  Nothing really bad happened in my dream or anything, to be honest, it did the opposite:  It motivated me even more!  I never thought being motivated even more was possible after failing twice, but for some reason that "dip dream" really did motivate me. It got me thinking to, AGAIN...

Every time I start to believe I realize how strong nicotine is, something else makes me think even deeper about nicotine.  Nicotine caused me to have a damn dream 60 days AFTER I stopped using it!  I've heard of people having nicotine dreams years after they quit!  That's called POWER!  So, below I am posting a few facts and some photo's (gross but important) for everyone to read and see. The facts are all random and I'm sure you could post 20 nicotine facts for every 20 that I post.  My challenge to YOU is to actually read these, but more importantly, take a minute to comprehend each one.  Some facts are solely about chewing tobacco, some are solely about smoking, some are shared by both.

Facts:

1) Nicotine is ONLY one of 4,000+ poisonous chemicals in tobacco.

2) ONE dip or ONE cigarette is enough to cause someone to become addicted.

3) Dip (my ol' buddy) has 28 cancer causing agents.

4) One can of chew gives you as much nicotine as 60 cigarettes.

5) Chewing tobacco is harder to quit than cigarettes. (see #4)

6) 75% of the cancers in the mouth, tongue, lips, nose and larynx are caused by tobacco.

7) Adolescents who smoke, are more likely to become dip users.

8) If you have a heart, you'll tear up...

9) Nicotine is as addictive as heroin and cocaine.

10) 3,000 kids START smoking daily.  About half of them turn to dip "because it's safer."

If those facts aren't enough for you, take a look at the photos below.  The first photo is cancer caused from dipping.  The second photo is cancer caused from smoking.  There are a TON of photos like these on the internet, in books, and other academic materials.  Why?  Because they are educational! 

Pretty gross/sad huh?  Don't worry though, I'm sure it can't happen to you, you, or you.....Right?  

Day 60: Hall Of Fame Coin, Bad Ass Support Group

Day 60:  Wait, it's day 60? Wow!  I'll take it!  It wasn't too long ago when I was complaining about how slow this process was and how I wasn't sure if I could or would make it to day 100.  I remember how I failed twice, once on day 17, once on day 40.  I remember saying "I made it allllll the way to day 40 and screwed up, I'll never make it back this far again.  Screw it, I give up."  I remember saying that plain as day.  I also remember when I started to chew again after that, I chewed for several months and without realizing it, I began chewing more and more each day. After all, who cared right?  I was never going to make it back to day 40 without failing again....Oh shut up!  That was the old me.  That was the Brian that was full excuses and the Brian who didn't want to listen to anyone's advice.  I didn't want to hear someone tell me they had faith in me or tell me I was stronger than nicotine. If I had to hear that (thank you Stacy), it must have meant that someone believed in me.  (Thank you again Stacy.)  Obviously, Stacy won and I've never been so thankful for a Stacy victory in my life. 

I'm 40 days away from my 100 Day KillTheCan.org Hall Of Fame Gold Coin.  It's a coin I haven't earned yet but I can and I will.  I will be honored and lucky to have that coin.  Just like all the guys who have earned it before me, I'll take it everywhere I go.  It'll always be in my pocket.  Any time I drive passed a convenience store or tobacco store I'll have my coin with me to remind me of how far I have come.  This is not a joke to me.  If you have quit nicotine yourself, you'll understand completely.  If you haven't you'll probably still understand.  However, if you don't quite understand why I care so much about some coin, I just don't give a shit.   Right now Stacy is my coin.  She's always supporting me and any time I need her to, she will drop what she's doing to help me.  I can't always do that so I'll have my coin in the future.  It's the only thing I have asked for when I reach day 100 and Stacy has promised me just that.  Besides, if anyone deserves a true gift, it'll be HER!

People often wonder how someone can start such a gross habit.  I was one of those people!  Especially 16 years ago!  Chewing tobacco wasn't as commercialized as it is now.  It's like Christmas, it's more main stream than ever and for alllllllll the wrong reasons! I just received chew coupons in the mail and together, Stacy and I had a GREAT time ripping them up!  However, attached to the coupons was a two page booklet glorifying chewing tobacco!  There are all sorts of "prizes" you can win as you accumulate points: chairs, pool tables, shirts, hats, free chew, even a boat!  Are you kidding me!?  The tobacco industry is obviously successful when they can afford to give away prizes as big as a boat! Anyway, look below, FU chew coupons!

Yes, I know, 40 days isn't right around the corner from day 100.  I'm not on day 97.  I know anything can happen in 40 days....if I let it.  I will NOT let it.  My support group won't let it.  We are a team and we will be successful TOGETHER.  I've said it again and I'll say it before,  My support group is stronger than nicotine.  Oh and believe me, there aren't many things/people/objects stronger than nicotine.   However, If nicotine and my support group got in to a fight, my support group would in a first round knock out.  No bull shit! 

Good night all...

Day 58: My Woman Is Talented!

Day 58: Where to begin, where to begin.  I guess I could begin with some good news, huh?  I haven't had a craving in a few days!  Here is some more good news:  I am learning that no cravings for a few days means absolutely nothing!  I guess it does mean something, it means I've been lucky to have a few days "off" from cravings.  But I can assure you, it doesn't mean my cravings are gone.  When you "fail" twice, you learn some things lol. Well, you damn well better learn from failure, otherwise your failure is just that, a true failure and not a learning experience.  I am glad I can say I have truly learned, now I just need to remember that every day, not some days. 

Today was a day spent on making a cake for one of Stacy's clients.  I helped, but not really.  I did some very minor things and Stacy, as always made a master piece.  She was on her feet making this cake for 11 hours today, and six hours yesterday.  She was focused every minute of those 17 hours.  IF she isn't focused, part of the cake looks ugly.  In Stacy's world (Perfectionist), if part of the cake looks bad, the entire cake is ruined.  With all of that being said, her body and brain took a beating for 17 hours to make a cake!  Do some of you still think "it's just a cake?"  If so,  Go to hell you ignorant jerk offs!  On top of that, in order to keep the cake fresh, she would never make the cake ahead of time.  That means she's always working on a strict dead line, which adds more pressure.  She's always working under unreasonable expectations from people who don't have a clue.  Imagine telling a 5 year old that his Sponge Bob cake isn't done yet, or a little girl that her Dora cake isn't finished.  Exactly, they'd NEVER understand!  The real problem is, their parents often don't understand how challenging it is to make that cake in the first place. Yesterday, during her 11+ hours of work, she took about 10 minutes to eat, even after I asked her 50 times to stop and eat more.  She got into a zone and her whole body will hurt in the morning.  These are ALL things that people don't take into consideration and Stacy is too modest to make public.  I'll do it for her because I love her and I hate when people disrespect her and try to under cut her when they offer her absolutely HIDEOUS prices for beautiful cakes!  Ok, rant over....Unless I need to do it again lol.  I will personally invite you to come here and hang out with us during the process of making a specialty cake for someone.  You will be tired just from being here and the ONLY thing we will ask is that you stay awake the entire time. you don't have to help, you don't have to clean dishes, you don't have to mix anything, you don't have to shop for ingredients, you don't have to pay our electric bill...Oh, and you don't have to help us with our two children. Just be here and be awake.  Once you do that, you'll understand why a specialty cake costs more than a Walmart cake. See below, and that is only an average size cake!  Add another tier or more color (yes, some cakes have more color lol) and you can add another 7-9 hours of work! Look at this cake!  It's BEAUTIFUL!  I'm so damn proud to be your man!  Owww!  Owww!  My lady is talented! With that being said, it's bed time and Miss Stacy deserves a back rub! Good night all...

Day 57: "Quitting Nicotine Is The Hardest Thing You've Ever Done No Matter What You Have Accomplished."

Day 57:  I'm learning, you know why?  Because I'm listening better.  I'm listening to Stacy and letting her be my rock.  I'm listening to the guys at www.killthecan.org and seeing that I'm not the only getting cravings almost 60 days in.  Hell, even though everyone goes through their own journey, I know for sure I'll get cravings for quite some time.  I'm reading, researching and paying attention to that material.  No, I don't always like what I read, but it sure is motivating.  That material is on the web solely for the purpose to motivate someone to stop dipping.  It's working.  My support group is working and my brain and heart are working.  If we ALL continue to keep working together, WE can NOT be beat! 

I had a doctors appointment today.  Almost a year ago to this day I got a new personal physician. We instantly hit it off and it's been great ever since.  However, almost 365 days later, I remember the shame and guilt I felt when he asked the question all smokers and chewers dread:  "So, Brian, do you use tobacco?"  I was hoping he'd say "are you a smoker?"  Then I could have said "no way!"  But, instead, he asked the RIGHT question.  I did admit it and I remember feeling shame.  That was the first time when I SERIOUSLY thought about qutting.  However, as you know, I wasn't serious enough!  Anyway, I was excited as hell to pick his brain about tobacco and to tell him I'm on day 57! I enjoyed hearing a lot of the things he had to say.  In case any current dippers out there are reading this, I'll share some of the stuff he said.  1)  Every patient he has come by who quit nicotine has gone through it their own way.  There is no book that has been written that every single person can follow, kind of like parenting. 2) He said some patients have an easy time (well easier), but MOST patients have a hard time doing it no matter how much they prepare.  3) Quitting nicotine is probably the hardest thing you have done in your life no matter how much you have accomplished. 4) A slip up is a slip up, not a reason to quit quitting. 5) Use your support system every day, not most days. 6) Be proud of yourself every day you go without nicotine!  I'm sure there are more but those stuck out in my mind.

I'm excited to show you photos tomorrow of the cake Stacy is making.  She's frickin' awesome!  If any of you saw my Facebook rant last night, you will know I hate when people assume "it's just a cake!"  It's not just a cake!  It's hand made art!  It's extremely HARD to make a specialty cake from scratch.  On top of that, her cakes taste AWESOME!  If you want a cheap looking and cheap tasting cake, please go to Walmart.  They have plenty of them there for you. 

As you all know, Stacy and I truly enjoy our Chinese buffet take out.  Well, My beautiful woman took it to a whole new level tonight...She had a lot of stuff to work on for he cake so I went to pick up the Chinese food for both of us.  She actually drew a diagram of the container and showed me where and what to put in each compartment of the container!  Ha!  How could I not love her!?  If you think I'm kidding, see below, there's your proof!

With all of that being said, it's time for this guy to get some sleep.  Good night all...

Days 55-56: Auden's Birthday, Cakes, And Wiffle Ball Season!

Days 55-56:  Happy Birthday Audy Bear!  On April 8th, Auden turned 8 years old!  Yes, she believes she's old enough to do just about everything now, yet she's still the cutest, sweetest, tiniest, beautiful, charming, dark haired, dark eyed little princess! You came in to my life when you were six years old and in less than two years you have grown so much in every single way.  What happened!?  Before we know it, you'll be in middle school, then high school, then.......college!?  Ok, enough of that, it's making my heart hurt!  Happy Birthday Auden! Although you don't quite know it or realize it yet, you have been a MAJOR part of my journey to quit dip and I'll never be able to thank you enough.  Hopefully someday you'll look back at this blog and pat yourself on the back because you helped me so much at such a young age.  Again, thank you Auden and happy birthday!

Speaking of Birthdays, Stacy has been making a cake for someone and guess what?  I am helping!  Well, sort of lol.  She's teaching me VERY slowly and she's watching me very carefully.  Hell, I would to!  It's her reputation on the line!  So far she's been a great coach and very patient.  For that I'm very thankful!  See the photo just below?  Yeah, that's right, I made the yellow ones...Ok fine, I rolled the fondant and cut out the yellow stars and she did the rest.  Hey, I'm still helping! Oh wait, I did make some of the fondant as well!  No, you can't have he recipe, she'd kill me!  Seriously, I'd be dead...I'd die.  I'd be killed.

And while we are still on the topic of birthday's, today Auden chose where she wanted to go for her birthday dinner.  Any guesses?  No, not a steak house, not a pizza place, not even McDonald's.  She picked Subway!  That's fine by me.  I love Subway, Stacy and Beckett do as well.  All four of us ate very well and then we walked it off at Walmart while Auden chose some Birthday gifts, besides the birthday gifts she already received.  I think overall, Auden had a pretty good 8th birthday!

Now it's on to the weather!  The weather is fantastic, at least for now.  I'm sure we'll have a few chilly days in the near future but I have a feeling Spring is actually arriving!  Hello wiffle ball season, grilling season, and outside season!  Let's do this!  Oh and for Stacy, flip flop season! I can't wait to pick the kids up at the bus stop.  It's an awesome day out so I expect us to be outside the moment they finish their homework  I gotta pump up some bike tires and get the lawn mower ready.  I'll be mowing very soon!

Days 53-54: Bad Service, Meat And A Weigh In!

Days 53-54:  Hello weekend!  Good bye weekend!  Where the hell did you go?  I guess it always ends up that way.  The week takes forever only to have the weekend fly by...It doesn't matter what you do, the weekend ALWAYS seems to go too fast. 

It was a birthday filled weekend that will continue into tomorrow for Auden. Stacy and I went out to dinner (on an actual date!) at the Mexican restaurant in our area called "Don Patron."  I love the name...And uhhh that's pretty much where the compliments end.  We're sad to because we were hoping to get a restaurant in this area that served something besides pizza! Because the place is rather new, it was quite busy when we walked in so we were happy right off the bat.  About five minutes into our "visit" we noticed there were only TWO waiters!  No bus boys, no host, just TWO waiters doing absolutely everything!  I'd say there were at least 25 tables of people- most of the tables had four or more people at them and the crowd stayed consistent for the two hours we were there.  Who in their right mind only has two people on the schedule during a Friday night at a restaurant?   Especially at the ONLY one of it's kind in the entire area!? Anyway,  it took a good 45 minutes to get our food and once we did, the food was cold.  The chicken was vastly over cooked and the rice side dish was vastly under cooked.  The funny part about it was the waiter wore an oven-mit to "show us" how steaming hot our food was...HA!  Once we got our food, they paid absolutely no attention to our table until about an hour later, after we tried for 35 minutes (or more) to get our bill.  Once we did get our bill, the waiter was rude to us and just threw our bill on the table and said NOTHING to us! We were feeling terrible for the two guys working up until that point. We were extremely disappointed because we were hoping to find a new place to get some good Mexican food.  FAIL!  Another reason to move out of this area...Sorry about your birthday dinner Stacy.  We'll find a better place next year lol.

Yesterday morning we finally decided to try a local meat market that so many people around here have raved about.  They were CORRECT! It's called Irish Isle Provision Company. Not only do they have great meat at great prices, they are huge Notre Dame fans!  They have Notre Dame gear and memorabilia all over the place! Ok fine, that's just a bonus.  The great part is this:  We got a pound of fresh cut bacon, fresh cased sausage links, two pounds of 80/20 ground beef, two lbs of chicken thighs (great for bourbon chicken) and a half pound of hot dogs for ONLY $20.00!!  Today we had the bacon and sausage and it's the best we've ever had!  They also have all sorts cheeses, spices, chips, frozen foods etc. 

 

And, of course, as soon as we finished eating I decided to do my weigh in because I have been slacking.   Well folks, I'm gaining weight!  Kinda....sorta...I weighed in at 186.2.  I started out this journey at 189.2 and I have been as low as 182 or something close to that.  Overall I have lost 3 lbs so far!  My point?  As usual, you DO NOT have to gain a ton of weight if you quit nicotine!  it's just another excuse that we have all used!  Find a new excuse!  I know that I have eaten A LOT of bad foods since my last weigh in and I'm still doing fine weight wise.

As for my weekend cravings?  I had a few, but I've been strong thanks to my support system.  Another weekend has come and gone without nicotine!  Every week that goes by I think I feel the best I could possibly feel, yet I feel better than I have the week before every single week!  Did that make sense? lol.  I meant that I continue to feel better and better every day I go without chewing!

alright people, It's bed time.  Ready to tackle another week without nicotine!  Good night all..

Days 51-52: New Beginnings And Child Victims

Day 51: Well, well, well...I'm officially closer to day 100 than I am to day 1!  I know, it's silly, but it's something to look forward to.  I am feeling good and ready to conquer the second half of the journey.  Oh, and I also know the "second half" of this journey is just the beginning of the life long journey Stacy and I will be on when it comes to nicotine.  the fact I chewed for 16 years won't go away after 100 days.  The cravings won't ever completely go away.  The money I wasted on buying dip won't re appear.  The time I missed with friends and family can't be re done.  However, I can spend the rest of my life making up for it.  I can take advantage of all the time I will now have to be with them, instead of dipping.  I'll have my face and I'll have my life. Nicotine will no longer run my life, I will no longer plan my days around my addiction.  If something happens to me, I'll at least know it wasn't because of nicotine!

I went to lunch with the fellas today at the Great Wall in Sunbury.  It's good, but I have to say, although there is nothing to do in the northern end of our county, we sure do have a good Chinese restaurant! Stacy and I won't miss much when we move from here but we'll miss our local Chinese restaurant! It was nice bonding time with Josh and Mike and of course we had some good laughs.  On the way home, I did get a craving.  I'm proud to say I called Stacy and we talked on the phone until I got back.  Craving gone.  Stacy saves the day again!  Thanks beautiful! Hard candy and a drinks (Gatorade, water, soda) always help, but literally talking with Stacy is always the best thing for me.  I'm sure it's not that way for everyone, but for me it is and it's just another of 50,000 reasons why I'm lucky to have her.  I love you!

Tonight we had Burger King for dinner.  I'm not sure why, but Stacy and I have been obsessed with that lately! Whoppers have been hitting the spot and we have some awesome coupons so we're hardly even spending any money.  She also loves their "new" nuggets!  We both agree the "new" nuggets at BK look and taste EXACTLY like McDonald's nuggets.  We're surprised McDonald's doesn't have something to say about it,  Yes, they are THAT identical.  If you don't believe us, stop by and get some!

Speaking of Chinese food and Burger King, I'll do a weigh in tomorrow!  I actually think I missed a week with my weigh ins and I have been eating a lot of garbage so it'll be interesting to see what my weight looks like.  Either way, I'll be happy because I haven't chewed and that's the name of this game!

Today while dropping the kids off at school, I noticed something.  It made me happy in a selfish kind of way because I know that is no longer the person I am.  It also made me a little sad and a little mad because I know I used to be that person.  Anyway, when I came back out of the school from taking the kids inside, I saw a mother trying to help her daughter with her dress.  Keep in mind, it's spring photo day so a lot of the kids had on nice, new spring clothes.  This girl, you could tell just felt like a little princess and her mom also felt proud.  Anyway, there was a problem with a strap or something and just by looking at them, I knew the mother needed an extra hand.  I looked inside the car and saw the father (I assume) putting in a GIANT dip!  My point is this:  Not only was he dipping instead of helping his little girl look pretty for her photos, but even if he decided to get out of his car to help, he'd have dip stained fingers which would almost SURELY get on her dress.  Believe me, I know about the dip stained fingers from a TON of experience!  Stacy knows to!  Once again, I'm sorry to Stacy for all the times my fingers had dip on them.  Gross. I just felt terrible for that girl and her mother.  I also felt like a jerk during the ride home because I can imagine all the times I put my nicotine addiction in front of people I loved on way too many occasions.  Hell, if you do it once, you have done it too many times, right?  The good news is,  It will NEVER happen again! In a nut shell,  the actual chewer/dipper is NEVER the only victim of nicotine.  Just like any other drug, there are always more victims besides the addict. In today's case, it was a little girl, a very innocent girl. 

Alright folks, tonight I'm going to watch a movie called "Alex Cross."  Let me see what you got Tyler Perry!  I'll share my opinion on it tomorrow.  Good night all...

Day 50: Family Support And www.KillTheCan.org

Day 50:  It’s Day 50!  I know I’m only half way there, but I never thought I’d make it 50 days without nicotine!  I haven’t won, but I am winning! Yes, with lots of help from my family- Stacy, Momma Roush, my mom and all of you who have taken time out of your busy day to read my garbage! I haven’t met a lot of you, I haven’t talked to most of you in person, but I can’t tell you enough how thankful I am for all of your support so far.

I also want to thank all the guys at www.killthecan.org for all the support they have given me so far.  I wish some of you would go on that site because these guys are the real deal!  They TRULY care about helping not only me with this journey, but Stacy to.  There are so many cool pieces of accurate, real, and helpful information on that website.  Although I have been VERY lucky with all the family support, I don’t believe I could have even made it to 50 days without the guys at www.killthecan.org.  If you know someone who chews tobacco, or if YOU chew tobacco, PLEASE take five minutes to visit the site and you just might decide to try and quit.  They will NOT judge you; they will welcome you with open arms and go out of their way to help you!  I mean it!

I have learned a lot of things so far, but one of the most valuable lessons I have learned since beginning this journey is the journey will NEVER end.  It doesn’t end at day 50, 100 or even day 5,000.  Hell, I thought the journey ended after about two weeks.  I thought once the nicotine was out of my system that I’d be free and clear.  WRONG!  The psychological cravings are just as bad, if not worse than the physical cravings. The psychological cravings mess with your mind and they don’t have a stop button, pause button or power off button.  They happen when they want to and it doesn’t matter how or what you do to prepare.  You just need to take them head on. Half the time one of the “cravings” probably isn’t even an actual craving.  It could just be you thinking that because you were so used to having a dip at certain times.  Go have a snack, take a walk, brush your teeth, etc and it goes away.  If I was still TRULY addicted, those things wouldn’t work; they would just pro long my craving and make me grumpier. Anyway, Then I got random cravings and eventually caved to the temptations….TWICE!  Then I made it past day 17 (most recent cave), and day 40 (first cave) and I was confident, but not over confident.  Hell, I’ve had cravings the last 2-3 days!  I know cravings will continue but I also believe I’m getting much better at beating those cravings!  Again, it’s because of Stacy, Momma Roush, my mom and all of you!  That includes the guys at  www.killthecan.org.

For instance, our fridge just took a dump; well we think it took a dump the middle of the night because A LOT of our food has been ruined! 100% of the time I would have gotten stressed and immediately put in a dip.  Today, Stacy and I got stressed together, but more importantly, we worked as a team and fixed the dilemma. We even laughed several times during the ordeal!   We transferred all the food we could into our new fridge and got the old fridge out of here. No dip needed! Plus, it gave us an excuse to get Chinese takeout lol. 

I went to get the kids at the bus stop and I said “well guys, the fridge pooped out today.”  And Beckett (our five year old) said “Are you sure the fridge pooped?  It could have been Andy.”  He was VERY serious to!  See?  That’s how you make someone laugh!  Thank you Beckett!

I also just finished a movie called “Red Dawn.”  No, not the classic, the remake.  Remakes are rarely as good as the original, and this case is no exception.  I will say, however, that I did enjoy this remake and I would recommend it to all of you.  Give it a try. If you haven’t seen the original, YOU HAVE TO! I’ll post a photo of the original.  I actually think it’s at Wal-Mart (it’s at ours) for $5.00 and it comes in a double feature pack with another Charlie Sheen movie.  Obviously Charlie Sheen is in the original lol.

Good night all…

Day 49: Happy Birthday Beautiful!

Day 49:  Wow!  It’s day 49, one day to closer to 50, almost half way there!  We’ll save that for tomorrow, today is my best gals birthday!  She’s been my rock and has put up with allllll my mood swings since I started this journey so today is ALLLLLL about her! Happy Birthday Beautiful! It sure feels good spending your birthday with you knowing I don’t need a dip, don’t need to leave to go buy dip and don’t have to worry about when and where my next dip is coming from.  I can ACTUALLY say this day is all about YOU, just like it should be! 
I made a cake for her today.  Sure, no big deal right?  Wrong!  First of all, I’m a guy.  Second of all, for the one or two of you who don’t know, she is a professional baker! People PAY Stacy good money to make a cake for them!  That’s all I could think about while I was making this cake.  I made one for her last year, but that was before I fully understood how talented she was when it came to baking.  Me baking in front of her was like a 4th grader playing in the NFL.  It just doesn’t/wouldn’t work!  The 4th grader would get smeared, just like I felt like I was going to in the kitchen!  All jokes a side, Stacy was wonderful and she didn’t care how it came out, she was genuinely thankful to have someone bake for her! 
I will say this.  Although the cake wasn’t pretty, Stacy and both kids love the taste of it!  All three of them have already eaten a piece and the kids already asked to have it for breakfast tomorrow.  Auden also asked if she could take some in to school for lunch as well.  I know it’s hard to find a cake that little kids don’t like, however, I’m telling you to shut up and let me have my baking glory!  The cake was a chocolate chip cookie cake with butter cream icing, Stacy’s request! 

Back to Stacy, the birthday girl!  No, I’m not telling you how old she is.  Ask her yourself at your own risk! Lol.  Plus, if you don’t know her age, I guarantee you that you wouldn't believe her anyway!  She looks wayyyyyyy younger than she is.  EVERYONE I know thinks I look older than her, and they are right. Happy Birthday to the most beautiful woman I have ever met.  I really, truly, honestly don’t know where I’d be without you right now. I do know I’d still be a slave to nicotine and all the crap that comes with it!  Thank you for making me laugh every single day, thank you for loving me the way you do, thank you for just being you.  You are PERFECT and I’m sincerely thankful to have you.  I love you! 
My mom also made her a cake that looked much better than mine!  I think it’s fair to say that both my mom and I truly understand now (if we didn't  already) how talented Stacy is.  We made VERY basic cakes and had issues.  Stacy makes VERY complex cakes and rarely has issues.  Plus, the issues she does have, she can always figure out!  If any of you ever decide to pay someone to make you a cake, PLEASE remember there is a reason you aren't baking that cake yourself.  IT’S HARD!


Oh, and it’s OPENING DAY!  Let’s go Orioles!!