Day 100: Today is a day I never thought I'd see. I never believed I would make it this far, especially on the day when I caved to chew even when I was already blogging publicly about my journey. I remember thinking to myself that if I couldn't quit when all these people are watching/reading, I'd never be able to quit. Well, I was wrong, as usual lol. This time I'm happy, joyful, glad, excited and thankful to be wrong! Yes, Stacy, I'm admitting that you are right and I'm wrong. Ouch, that hurts...
I was scared to death and anxious about quitting during my first two "stops." On the third time I was still scared, but I was determined, ready and SERIOUS. Chewing tobacco was something that was a fixture in my daily life for more than 16 years. I depended on it, needed it, tricked myself into thinking I enjoyed it (one way of justification), and planned my entire life around it. The funny thing is, I never realized I did all these things UNTIL I became serious about quitting. It wasn't until I quit FOR REAL that I realized how stupid, ignorant, selfish, and ridiculous I was being for 16 years. It became even more evident that I was being incredibly selfish once I was lucky enough to find a woman, the woman of my dreams who cares about me and my well being. How about two small children that look up to me? BOTH of them were sincerely worried about me chewing once they learned exactly what it was and what I was doing. Look below, you can see how Auden feels about dip! That's her helping me stay motivated as she rips up the chewing tobacco coupons that came in the mail. Atta girl Audy Bear!
Even with the people who truly love me, have my back and are rooting me on every second of the way, I learned (thank you Stacy) that I had to be the one who truly wanted to quit. I had to be SERIOUS, not just anxious and excited, 100% SERIOUS. I don't care who you are or how many people you have in your corner, if you don't TRULY want it, you'll never get it. You can't just ask for it or hope for it, you gotta take it and run with it. After two times of hoping and wondering, I just got sick of it and TOOK IT. With help, I took my life back.
Yes, I had help, A TON OF help. I couldn't have done with it without two things: A strong attitude and my support group. Not one or the other, BOTH. I was lucky enough to have the wonderful support group and the attitude was just up to me. I did it.....WE DID IT!!!!
Stacy- I owe you my life...That's no exaggeration. I seriously, literally owe you my life. You saved my life. you had my back at the worst of times, times when I "knew" I wasn't going to make it through a craving, when I had "nic fits," when I was down on myself, and when I just didn't want to do it anymore. Many spouses demand that their partner quit chewing/smoking. I was able to quit because you never, ever demanded that I quit. You certainly supported my quit but you let it be known that I was only letting myself down if I decided to quit and then start chewing again. You made me aware that I'm the one who'd have to look in the mirror and see one of two things: Quit Success or Quit Failure. I liked option A better. Through out alllllll the physical withdrawals you were right there. you helped me keep my mind and body occupied and helped me stay on the right path. Some will, but many people do not and will not understand how much that meant and still means to me. Thank you Stacy, I love you! See below for a photo of my rock, savior and most beautiful woman in ALL the land!
To J. Wilt and Momma Roush. Your tough love is exactly what the doctor ordered! You were never mean to me, but you told me EXACTLY how it was during this journey. You sincerely rooted for me and sincerely wanted me to succeed! You have no idea how much that meant and always will mean to me. THANK YOU! See below. The first photo is J, the second one is Momma Roush. Neither one of them will mess around when it comes to helping others!
To my mom- You've been there from the day I started I chewing and you never liked it, but you never stopped loving me. I'm sorry for adding pressure to your daily life for the last 16 years. I can't thank you enough for supporting me during this journey and for putting up with my crap. I love you mom. See below for a photo of my mom. She's kind of a big deal...
To all the guys and gals at Kill The Can (KTC). Wow! Technically I'm speechless, but considering this is a speech, I'm probably not allowed to be speechless huh? With that being said, I just want to thank you for being there 24-7, literally. Whether it be though the message boards, live chat, Facebook, etc.. You guys always had my back and it REALLY meant a lot! I made friends for life because of KTC and we all have a common bond that we should be very proud of! No, not chewing tobacco....QUITTING chewing tobacco!
I never did this blog to gain attention for myself. I did it for a few reason though. For starters, I WANTED the pressure (positive peer pressure) of people knowing whether or not I caved toa craving, and boy did I ever, right J. Wilt? lol. I also did it because I was hoping, just HOPING that maybe I could help motivate someone else to quit their nicotine addiction. Now that it's day 100, I wonder if I helped anyone quit...I wonder if someone will run into these blogs on a random day and say "damn, I need to stop smoking/dipping. Maybe, maybe not. All I know is this: If I truly helped just ONE person, then all of these blogs have been worth it! If I have helped you in ANY WAY, please shoot Stacy and I an email at firstname.lastname@example.org We would love to hear from you!
With all of that being said, THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart! I'll never forget the support I received from all of you! THANK YOU!
Please continue (OR START) following our blog because Stacy will be VERY active in the near future with all of kinds of things! I will be to, but Stacy will be the Queen Bee for sure! Oh, and let me be clear. Her writing/blogging skills are 55,000 times better than mine! I'll leave you all with a photo of my beautiful family, the ones who put up with my crap for the last 100 days and stuck by me! Thank you, I LOVE YOU.
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