Day 75: Too Lazy For Reading? Watch...

Day 75: Iv'e posted blog after blog after blog about our journey to quit dipping...Today is Day 75 and I bet there are a lot of you out there who laugh at the blogs, skip right over the blogs, or just plain disregard the blogs.  I bet many of you are smokers and dippers to...I also bet you believe "I'm young, this won't happen to me. I'll just quit soon and be fine."  Or you say, "my grandpa smoked for 61 years and when he died the doctor said it wasn't from smoking, just old age."  Sure, that might be true.  Does that mean you'll smoke or dip for 61 years with no harmful setbacks?  I guess you're willing to take that chance...I wasn't.  Anyway, here is a video for you to watch about a stud athlete who had his whole entire life in front of him...Notice I said he HAD his life in front of him...Nicotine CAN and WILL defeat you if you allow it and it WILL defeat you unless you defeat it first.

So, what do you think?  It saddens me, it makes me mad, it scares me and I have already quit nicotine!  Have you quit yet?  Seriously, be honest with YOURSELF.  What is your REAL excuse as to why you haven't quit nicotine yet?  Well, what is it?  I bet if you look in the mirror and repeat that excuse you'll feel like a total idiot.  Yes, this is called being REAL with YOURSELF.  It took me a LONG time to be real with myself.  I've had help from the people who are most important to me and I'll always be grateful to them.  I promise you'll have help to, all you have to do is ask and be SERIOUS about quitting.  If you're not serious about quitting  go ahead and ignore these blogs, light up that cancer stick, spit that juice and enjoy your day.

Day 72: Kids DO Notice And They DO Care!

Day 72:  People often asked me in the past, why did you quit?  How did you do it?  All that stuff.  I felt macho and gave them the "I did it cold turkey" comment, which is true.  It WAS true.  I also failed at TRULY quitting two times before this and I finally believe I know why.  It's because I had an "answer" for the how, but not the why.  Not an authentic answer anyway. For starters, not even the cold turkey answer was authentic.  Yes, I just stopped dipping one day, but I didn't do it myself and I didn't QUIT, I just stopped, like you do at a stop sign. My whole support group quit cold turkey with me, it wasn't just ME. I never realized how important my support group was until I failed....twice. Now I know HOW I (we) quit.  The question I need to answer is "Why?"  I'll tell you...

Perhaps some of you will see me as selfish for reason #1, but ANYONE who has successfully quit nicotine (or has done their research on the subject) will under that I quit first and foremost for MYSELF.  I had to. My support group is the best thing that ever happened to me, but they can't be there beside me 100% of the time.  There have been and always will be many times when I'm my own support group.  I'll be in a TON of convenience stores by myself in the future.  I'll be around people who smoke and dip.  No one can truly stop me from dipping except myself. 

The next reason is for my soon to be wife (VERRRRRRRY SOON) and two small children. I want to make something VERY clear.  Small children DO NOTICE when you smoke or chew.  Beckett, our five year old not only knows about chew, he knows it's terrible for you. let me repeat something, he's only five!  So, once again, YOUR CHILDREN WILL NOTICE!

I have the true privilege of being adored by our five year old.  I'm VERY lucky and I need to start understanding that better.  I need to be a better role model for him.  Anyway, he adores me and there is no better feeling in the world....Except for when he "adored" me dipping...I'll explain in a minute.  He adores me to the point where he doesn't want to take his shoes off at night unless I do.  He wants to wear red shorts to bed because he sees me in them.  I throw on a pair of sweats in the morning, he demands to wear sweat pants to school.  If I'm wearing shorts when he gets home, he wants to go right up and change in to shorts.  He LOVES DVD's the way I do, he's fallen in love with Notre Dame because of me, The Orioles to.  When he does something bad, he cries even more once he sees me because he thinks I'm disappointed in him.  Twenty minutes after he's done crying, he might start crying again and he runs directly to me and wants me to hold him so he knows it's ok.  ALL of those things make me a lucky person, a VERY lucky person.  This is where it gets serious...

before my first quit attempt last summer, I noticed Beckett started spitting every time we played outside, walked out side or went outside for any reason.  I was so ignorant, perhaps arrogant to the situation that at the time, I didn't realize it was 10000000% because I was always spitting! However, once I realized it was because of me, I just found ways to justify it to myself.  Well, I'll just hide my spit better or at least he doesn't realize the color of my spit, etc.  I was WRONG.  before I knew it, he was spitting after he'd take a bite of his Oreo's.  Why?  Exactly..."Because the spit looks like Brian's."  That opened my eyes!  Wow...It hurt to..What's worse?  Not much, but there is one thing.  How about quitting and still failing twice!  Not going to happen again, not ever. 

Don't worry, there is more.  Not only will your kids notice if you chew or smoke, it's on their mind more than you can possibly believe or know.  At least twice a week and for no good reason at all, Beckett will look directly at me and say "Do you promise that you'll never ever ever never ever do "Grizzy" again?"  He's VERY sincere and VERY concerned.  He knows what dip is and what it can do to you. Remember, he is only five years old.  Chances are your son or daughter knows that cigarette or dip is bad for you to.  Also, I'm willing to bet they think about it and wonder why you do it...

Let's face it, odds are if I were to have kept on dipping, Beckett would have picked up the habit, wait, not the habit, the ADDICTION one day to.   There would be more no worse feeling to me than to know Beckett had his first dip because he saw me doing it for all those years. Plus, down the road if he were to start chewing, I couldn't tell him how bad it is for him without being a hypocrite lol.

As for Auden, she just turned eight an absolutely knows it's bad.  She asks about my health all the time.  She also asks a VERY good question.  She's often asks "why do they take harmless leaves and make them into bad stuff?  Why would they do that to people?"  I wish we could get a Tobacco Industry Big Wig in person and allow Auden to ask them that.  Unless they lie to her, the simple yet accurate answer would be "money."

Also, Auden adores Stacy the same way Beckett adores me.  If Stacy started smoking, I bet Auden would emulate the smoking and it would open Auden's brain up to the idea that it's ok to smoke as well.  Kids SEE and kids LEARN from what they see!  I learned this the hard way...

As for both of them...Every single time we see an empty can on the ground, or a gross spit stain in a parking lot, or when we go in to a store and see it on sale, the kids ask and wonder many things.  Is Brian going to buy some today?  Is that his empty can?  Did he make that gross stain?

Almost daily, at least one of them references my old addiction in one way or another.  Most of the time they just randomly voice their concern for my health.  That truly makes me a lucky guy.  Very lucky...I'll say this one more time.  If you chew or smoke and have children in your life, they know what you're doing even if they don't voice their concern.  PLEASE think about it...

Day 70: Puppy Birthday!

Day 70:  Holy shit, it's day 70! I remember not too long ago when it was day 1...and day 1 again...I'm very thankful to have made it this far, yet the days of failure still remain in my head.  However, I keep those "memories" there for motivational purposes only. I believe I read a quote somewhere once that said "If you don't learn from mistakes, they are just mistakes."  I don't want my first two failures to be just mistakes.  I want them to be learning experiences and motivation.  If I were to start dipping again, well then I obviously wouldn't have learned anything!  So far, with help from my closest supporters, I'm learning!

The last two days have been designated for cleaning our entire house, from top to bottom, side to side, carpets, etc.  We hate doing it but it feels so damn good to be done! it also feels good to know I helped clean the entire house and didn't have dip in my mouth while doing it! Shampooing the carpets is my biggest job, along with scrubbing the bath tub.  Ok fine, yes, Stacy does a lot more than I do, but I do help I swear!  besides, I'm the carpet cleaning champion of the world!  By the way, I'm not sure if you realize this, but if you actually clean everything in your home, it takes hours and hours and hours! With two kids, it seems like we have 75 more things to clean over, under and around every time we clean.  Do you ever feel that way?

Someone has a birthday today...No, not me...Not Stacy, not the kids...Our puppy, Andy!  Today our crazy, fearless, floppy eared, loving, handsome, wild hot dog turns ONE! I remember when the little guy could fit in palm of our hands.  Sure, it's not like he's big or anything, but he has grown a lot over the past year!  His ego and guts have grown to.  He'll jump on, over and through anything.  He'll bark at anyone or anything no matter how big or small and he'll try his best to escape our yard at the drop of a hat.  However, he's such an awesome dog who loves us unconditionally and we love him the same. Happy Birthday Andy! I'll leave you with two photos of our birthday boy.  The first photo is him on the day we brought him home.  The second photo is him from just a few days ago, owning the joint.  It's how he rolls these days...

 

Day 68: DJANGO, Cookies, And Day 100.

Day 68:  Holy crap, only 32 days away from the big 100!  A lot of people have asked me what I'm going to do once I reach day 100...My answer?  Celebrate and then get ready for day 101!  Our journey won't end on day 100, it's just one of many life time goals to stay away from nicotine!  I now EXPECT to get make it to day 100, before I just hoped and wished I could be like all the people who quit for real.  I wasn't strong enough mentally,  psychologically or physically   Now I'm strong enough in all three phases and I will not give in, no matter how tough it gets. I have the greatest support group a guy could ask for in my family, I have support from guys all over the map who are going through the exact same thing I am from www.killthecan.org, and I have my brain and new found will power.  ALL of these are valuable.  On some days certain aspects are more important than the other, but over all, I am lucky to have them all and they are all equally important to my quit success.

over the weekend, Stacy and I tried two new typed of cookies.  One is made by Chips Ahoy called Reese's Peanut Butter Soft And Chewy.  The other cookie is made by Keebler and they are called Sweet Creme's.  Oh and they are "Special Edition."  I believe that translates to "These are temporary in case they suck."  And they do suck. They are hard and entirely too sweet! Yes, it is possible for a cookie to be too sweet.  It's like eating frosting times 75.  I'm sure a humming bird would like it but last time I checked I'm not a damn humming bird. Besides, I know something is too sweet when Stacy says so.  She LOVES sweets and would never say something is too sweet unless it was too sweet!  As for the Chips Ahoy, they are GOOD!  Me likey a lot. If I have to have one complaint, it's the size of each cookie. Each cookie is about the size of a 50 cent piece, maybe a little smaller.  They are two bites per cookie.  If you're 12 years or older, you could slam each cookie in one bite.  With all of that being said, they are good though.  Addicting to.  Go ahead, get some and try to eat just one and put them away.  If you can do it, I hate you.  If you can't, well I told you so.

A few quick lines about the movie DJANGO.  It's as good, if not better than advertised! It W\was funny, smart, violent, well written, hip, old school, controversial, sad, full of great actors, fun, and much more!  It's probably the best film I have seen in the last year.  Leonardo DiCaprio was absolutely brilliant playing a complete scum bag.  Jamie Fox was also brilliant in his part as DANJGO.  However, although it's tough to imagine someone out shining those two in a movie, Christopher Waltz was outstanding!  Every line he delivered was perfect, his body language was perfect and his character was perfect.  Oh and I almost forgot to mention, Samuel Jackson was AWESOME to!  See this film!

Day 66: Baseball Dippers And A Weigh-In

Day 66: I'm 66 days into my journey and I'm still learning, being amazed, noticing things, and feeling grateful. A few weeks ago I was watching a Baltimore Orioles and Minnesota Twins game.  For one inning, I decided to look for as many guys as I could with dips in and keep track.  I found 12 (TWELVE!!) guys who had OBVIOUS dips in their just by watching one inning!  I guarantee you I missed some as well!  When I was chewing, I never noticed it.  Why?  Perhaps I was just blocking it out or perhaps I was in denial.  Maybe I just thought it was normal?  I spent my whole life around baseball so I justified my addiction.  What I'm saying is, I'm sure I used it as one of my many excuses as to why it was ok for me to chew.  Now that I look back on it, it was just as bad/dumb as all my other excuses. I've been keeping score to.  Bad excuses 107-Good excuses 0.

Speaking of excuses, today was another weigh in for me.  My last weigh in was over a week ago and I weighed in at 186.2.  Today, I weighed in at 185.2.  From last week I have lost one pound and I have lost almost four pounds over all.  As always, what's my point?  The "I'll gain too much weight" excuse is a bunch of crap!  Find another bad excuse!

 

I did my second ever movie review on a friends website called www.scaretissue.com. I did the review on the movie "The Collection."  It was great!  If you dare, go check out the site and my review at www.scaretissue.com. It's a fun website run by true horror movie fans for horror movie fans!

Guess what I did for the first time this year today?  Mowed the grass!  It was GREAT!  it felt like spring and smelled like summer while mowing the grass.  You know what made it even better?  I mowed the grass without dipping!  Hell, I didn't even think about dipping while doing it, either!  I know You're probably getting sick of me "bragging," but damn it felt good!  It still does feel good and it'll always feel good when I'm not dipping!  If you were a smoker and or dipper and you have quit, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about!  Cheers to you all!

Sorry this one is so short folks.  I guess It's a good thing as long as my journey is still alive, right?  Good night all...

Day 65: One Sentence From A 5 Year Old That Changed My Life.

Day 64: Today is the second day in a row that I haven't had any cravings.  My head feels weird at times and thee are even times when I feel like I'm back at week one, but over all I'm feeling pretty good.  MOST of the time I'm feeling great. There are other times when I'm feeling "foggy" or like my head is very heavy.  With all of that being said, I am VERY thankful to be on day 64 and going strong. Stacy probably feels like it's day 8,791 lol.  On a serious note, thank you again Stacy.  I wouldn't be at day 64 without you.

Now on to something rather interesting, at least to me.  If you enjoy coffee you might find this interesting as well. We have a Keurig Machine here at the house.  Everyone knows what that is.  You put the "K-Cup" in the machine, and it brews one individual cup for you.  Well, Stacy and I tried something out.  We bought a bag of Dunkin Donuts coffee and one of those cups that you can put ground coffee into that is specifically made for the Keurig Machine (see photo below).  We wanted to see if it was worth the investment, or if it'd cost us more money in the end.  We found out that it was worth every penny of the investment.  Let me explain.  At our Walmart you can buy an average box (18 count) of "Donut Shop" K-Cups for $10.98.  When I bought the regular sized (12 ounces) DD ground coffee, I found out I could get 26 cups of coffee out it OVER the 18 you get the K-Cups.  The DD ground coffee is less than $8.00, maybe even $7.00 at our Walmart.  On top of that, when you make a cup of ground coffee in the Keurig, it calls for two spoon fulls of coffee.  To make my coffee stronger, I used at least three spoon fulls and STILL got 8 more cups of coffee out of the ground coffee than I did the actual cups. The cup we had to buy did cost $17.88 ( I think) but the investment will pay for itself over and over again if you continue to use the ground coffee.  Perhaps I'm biased but I really like the Dunkin Donuts ground coffee so it all works out for me. If you prefer the individual cups, maybe it's not a great investment for you. 

Now to leave you on a serious, but important note.  I received some of the best advice ever today...from a 5 year old.  Beckett said to me "If you woulda kept doing "Grizzy" (my old chew was called "Grizzly") you would have been buried "  he said it and meant it so damn sincerely that Stacy and I almost cried.  Now that's motivation!

Day 63: Are You Still A Slave To Nicotine?

Day 63: Cravings, cravings, cravings...The good news is I don't have any cravings today.  The bad news?  I've had cravings several times a day, every day for the last four or five days.  With all of that being said, I'm finding out through research that cravings, even 60 days out are completely common.  In fact, cravings several years later are common.  The difference between cravings from week one and week 50?  A few things actually.  For starters, intensity.  Yes, I've had some intense cravings recently, and I'm sure I'll have some more, but every single craving during the beginning stages is intense.  It's one of the biggest reasons why people fail to quit nicotine.  The first few weeks are HELL, especially weeks one and two.  The second difference is my experience and learned ability to fight off cravings.  In the beginning I'd just feel as though I was being tortured.  Now, I expect it, I'm prepared for it, dare I say I embrace cravings? Ok, I won't go that far, but I will say I'm more confident than ever with my "craving busting" abilities.  One major reason is because of Stacy.  She didn't budge when I was terrible at dealing with the cravings.  If it was possible in any way, I'd tell you she fought off many of my early cravings for me.  That's how important she's been to me during this.  I could NOT, and I stress COULD NOT have gotten to day 63 without Stacy.  I'm still not perfect, but with her help, I continue to get better and better at kicking the cravings to the side and going about my day. Oh, by the way, did I mention that nicotine is a VERY strong power and 99.9% of people have no idea what they are getting into when they take that first pinch or puff?  I know I didn't...That's where the tobacco industry has been the most successful.  Their success hasn't been all the money, it's HOW they made the billions and continue to make billions.  They do it by keeping ignorant about how STRONG nicotine really is once it reaches your body.  Yes, they are forced to say "It's bad, yucky."  But they should be forced to say "If you take a pinch of this or a puff of that, WE WILL OWN YOU."

Now onto something important: Food!  We had home made bourbon chicken tonight!  Stacy WILL be putting up the recipe in this blog in the VERY near future!  I can assure you, if you like Chinese take out bourbon chicken, you'll like this!  Hell, you'll love this!  It's so tender with a perfect balance of sweetness and a tiny bit of heat.  Actually, ours has no heat because Stacy isn't a fan of spicy/hot foods lol.  However, that just goes to show you how good it is, we leave out the "hot" part of the recipe (red pepper flakes) and it's still AWESOME! Also, according to Stacy, it's just as good, if not better the next day!  For all the idiots out there, please refrigerate it if you plan on having some the next day.

I don't do this very often, actually, I don't believe I have ever done this, but I truly believe my "Day 61" blog was the most honest and important blog I have written to date.  If you haven't already, PLEASE go back and read that blog.  You may not like it, but you'll have no choice but to agree with it.  Believe me, I did NOT wan't to believe it for many years and I blocked out the "facts" on many occasions! Even if you don't smoke or dip, I'm 10000000000000% sure you know someone who does.  I'm not one of those guys who is trying to shove something down your throat (no pun intended), but I sure do wish someone did this to me many years ago...I truly believe if more smokers/chewers (ME INCLUDED) have the truth directly in front of them, they could no longer blame anyone but themselves for their addiction.  Remember, excuses run open, wild and free when it comes to nicotine addiction.  I know this, I had an excuse for every situation when it came to chewing!

Alight folks, it's time to go watch a movie (looks kinda terrible lol) called "State Of Emergency."  Yes, another zombie movie that looks like it took about $500.00 to make! Good night...