Day 45: My Big Brother Would Be Proud...

Day 45: Happy almost but not quite Easter!  Speaking of Easter, I just realized something out of the blue.  I never, in my life realized this until Stacy and I were just sitting around talking and it popped into my head.  This Easter will be the FIRST holiday in SIXTEEN (16) YEARS that I have gone through without nicotine!  SIXTEEN YEARS!!!! That in itself is enough to make me go “holy crap!”  However, it gets much deeper than that…I’ll explain later. 

We did our new but already fun family tradition tonight.  We went and got Chinese take out!  The kids absolutely love it.  You would think we are taking them to Disney World every time we do it.  They sincerely enjoy taking the container and putting their OWN food into their OWN container.  I don’t know why they love it so much and I don’t care.  I guess they feel like “big kids.”  I just know it puts a large smile on their face every time we do it and I also know in a few years they won’t ever want to do anything as family so I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

Ok, back to the “serious Brian.”  You know how I have mentioned before that if just one person quits smoking or chewing because of this blog, I’ll consider it a success!  Well, here’s the time to listen up if ANY of you are seriously considering quitting.  Hell, if any of you have any habits that you think you need to quit, listen up! 

As some of you know, I lost my oldest brother in 2009.  He was 32 years old when he passed away.  No ONE ever thinks they are going to lose their brother at the age of 32.  I’m sure you’re wondering how his death and my chewing are connected, right?  I’ll tell you.  I lost a lot of valuable brother time with him because of my chewing.  I would never chew in front of my grandparents because I always found it disrespectful to them.  They were at my family’s house for almost every holiday growing up.  Looking back on it, I walked out of a TON of fun family hang outs and conversations because I needed to dip.  I chewed often so I’d always make an excuse to go dip, missing many laughs and jokes with my family, ALL of which involved my brother Andy.  Now do you see the connection?  If I hadn't chewed tobacco, I would have gotten to hear my brother laugh several more times, hear his voice, see his smile, feel his hand shake, take his older brother jokes, and all the things you do with your family, especially my oldest brother.  Andy has been irreplaceable, obviously, and I’ll always regret the times I could have spent with him, where instead I was having a dip by myself.  I’m sorry Andy.  I’m doing good now and I know you’d be proud.

I think about my brother on a daily basis.  Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I’m pissed off, and sometimes I want to beg for him to come back.  All I know is that I wish I would have never chewed for many reasons, but specifically for the reason I missed the time with him because I was being selfish and making sure I took care of my own addiction.  The funny thing is, my brother was giving and caring and always put others before him.  He’d forgive me in a heartbeat and tell me it’s never too late to quit.  He’s right.  I now have a family of my own and I’m quitting now so I NEVER again have to miss someone’s laugh, smile or touch that I love…

Good night all…