Good day, rough day.
I’m not sure what it is, the weekend maybe? All I know is this: After several good days in a row, I had some
major cravings today. I was irritable,
snarky (Stacy’s word lol), and overall grumpy. My mom and brother came up to
visit us and even my mom noticed. I
didn’t really notice it. Hell, I thought
I was doing well with handling the cravings.
According to my mom and Stacy, I was NOT.
I thought the bad days were over. I thought wrong. It’s so much that I thought the bad days were
over, but I think I let my confidence get to high. I just assumed that I’d be good to go because
I had several good days in a row. I’m
not sure if it was the weekend that triggered the intense cravings or what, I
just know it was bad. I am proud to say
that I did NOT chew though!
IT wasn’t as bad as day three was, but it wasn’t great
either. From the second I woke up, I
wanted to chew, and I mean the VERY second.
That was the first time in awhile that I wanted to dip from the second
my eyes opened.
My brother and my mom came to see us today. It was a good time. Stacy made her ALWAYS awesome homemade mac n’
cheese and my mom made some sort of cheese dip.
It had crushed Ritz crackers on the top and bacon as well. It was gooooood. Dan gave Beckett and I
haircuts, which was incredibly nice and convenient for us. It’s always an
adventure when it’s time for Beckett to get a hair cut, but today he was a
trooper! And, as always, Grammy Carol spoiled the kids with arts and crafts
activities. It sounds like a fun day, because it was a fun day! After Dan gave me my hair cut, I went up to
grab a quick shower. According to Stacy
and my mom, after my shower is when they started to notice my irritability. I
didn’t even realize it. That’s how crazy
nicotine can make someone. I hate
it. I hate being “snarky” towards
anyone, especially towards the people I love.
I dream of the day when I’m finally 100% over this damn addiction. Not necessarily just for me either, but for
the people who are sticking by me and rooting for me. Those same people who are in the trenches
with me and going through this with me.
None of them made the choice to start chewing, I did. Yet, they all want to be right here with me
and go through it with me. I’m grateful,
thankful and LUCKY!
I just want to be in bed and fall a sleep. The craving won’t go away and I’m not much
good to anyone. Again, it’s not like it
was on Day three, but I sincerely hope tomorrow is better. I guarantee Stacy hopes tomorrow is better
to!
Thank you for sticking by me, Stacy. I literally could not make it through these
rough days without you. I mean
that. I love you.
Sorry about the short post tonight folks. It’s all I got in me. Good night all…
It's going to get easier every day, just hang on! I quit smoking (different than chewing, but a nicotine withdrawal nonetheless) about 3 years ago and it sucked. After about 2 weeks it got much easier, but the mornings were still hard for a month or so. I'm rooting for you, Brian. I know you have a great support system with Stacy, so hang on and before you know it this will just be a memory!
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